You’ve been lying to your spouse. You know it, they know it, and the situation is beyond repair. Now what do you do?
You need help rebuilding trust in a marriage after lying so you can recover something out of this failure. Rebuilding trust in a marriage after lying is not easy, but it can be possible.
If you are willing to put in the effort and time, you can rebuild the confidence that your lies have destroyed. Steps to take include:
— Be honest with yourself about your mistakes,
— Be brutally honest with your partner about what you’ve done,
— Take responsibility for your actions,
— Make a plan to change your behavior,
— Follow through on your promises,
— Be patient as rebuilding trust takes time.
Can Trust Be Restored In a Marriage?
You Can Trust Again
The first step in rebuilding trust in a marriage after lying is accepting that you can trust again. This is not to minimize the hurt or betrayal your spouse feels, but it will help both of you move forward if you truly accept that you can trust again. The cheating and lying are over; moving forward begins with believing in yourself again.
Apologies Don’t Solve All Problems, But They Help Restore Trust
Apologies are only useful if you make them heartfelt and without conditions attached. Don’t say you’re sorry in hopes of getting what you want. Just say it because you mean it and want to move forward in the relationship with a clean slate. If your partner is willing to accept the apology, they may be more willing to talk about how they feel and deal with any other issues that led to the lying in the first place.
What To Do When You Don’t Trust Your Partner?
Acknowledge Your Mistakes
Acknowledging your mistakes is one of the best ways to rebuild trust in a marriage after lying as it validates what your spouse already knows: you’ve been behaving badly. It also makes you vulnerable and less likely to repeat the behavior in the future.
Acknowledging your mistakes will help you move forward without constantly looking over your shoulder for fear that another mistake will be caught before you can cover it up again.
Turning over a new leaf with your spouse will help them move forward as they can be more sure that they’re dealing with “the real you” now instead of the devious manipulator who covered their tracks so well.
Be Provocative, Not Manipulative
Be provocative, not manipulative. Be proactive, not passive-aggressive. Be honest, but don’t be a doormat. Be humble, but don’t be weak. Be supportive and sympathetic when appropriate, but don’t condone bad behavior or tolerate abuse.
Avoid the temptation to make your spouse “prove” their love to you by doing little daily kindnesses or short-term favors. Provide a hedge against a repeat of the cheating and lying by being provocative, proactive, honest, humble and supportive.
Really Try To Understand Your Partner’s Point Of View
Assuming you haven’t been cheating and lying, it will help you rebuild trust in a marriage after lying if you really try to understand your partner’s point of view as they’ve been dealing with this. If they’re not a cheater and liar, they had to deal with the betrayal they felt while also taking care of all the extra work that your deceit created.
They didn’t want to do this alone, but had no easy way to talk to you about it. They still love and trust you, but their confidence has been shaken and most importantly, their trust is broken.
Can a Marriage Survive Without Trust And Respect?
Trust is an essential part of a healthy marriage and without mutual respect, any marriage would fail. Without trust and respect, this type of relationship becomes unsustainable.
How do you know if your relationship can survive on the trust and respect it has?
There are some warning signs to look for, so you can tell if your relationship is based on trust and respect. If you see any of these warning signs in your marriage, it might be time to take a closer look. The first red flag that warns of the impending doom is lack of communication.
Communicate, communicate, communicate.
In order for a relationship to survive long term, it’s essential for both partners to listen and talk with each other without judgement. If you feel that your spouse is not willing to listen without judgment, you might have a problem with trust.
How to Listen Without Getting Defensive
Without mutual respect, a relationship becomes unsustainable. Mutual respect and cooperation are also important factors in building a long-term relationship. If any one of the partners doesn’t respect the other or refuses to cooperate, trouble is on its way.
Here are some tips for managing conflict in your relationship:
- Avoid bringing up the past,
- Stay focus on finding solutions,
- Seek out a compromise,
- Listen without interrupting your partner and reflect before responding,
- Admit when you are wrong,
- Consider your partner’s perspective,
- Practice empathy when criticized instead of getting defensive.
Being able to work together as a team will keep your marriage strong over time and this is something which every couple needs to think about before they get married.
If you have trust and respect for each other, you will have the peace of mind and freedom of expression that comes from loving someone for who they are rather than for what you want them to be.
Can I Ever Trust My Husband Again?
If the love of your life was caught in a lie, is it even possible to trust them again? Unfortunately, there’s no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. There are a lot of factors that can impact what it would take for you to give him or her another chance:
- How long the affair lasted,
- If any emotional and/or physical intimacy occurred between the two parties,
- What he did after being caught cheating, and so on.
In order to determine if this relationship is worth restoring or not, you have to look at what happened and evaluate where both of you stand afterwards. If you’re asking if you can ever trust your husband again, the answer is that it depends on whether or not he earned it.
When you first found out about the affair, you were probably led to believe that it was a one-time mistake and he had no intention of continuing this relationship.
If he’s been very remorseful and committed to making things right with you by following through with his promises, then chances are, over time the two of you can successfully rebuild your trust and love for each other.
Pay attention to these signs that show your partner still loves you and is thinking about getting back together:
- Always find a way to talk to you,
- Find out about you,
- Want to know how you’ve been,
- Show jealousy and a lot of interest in you,
- Willing to help you,
- Treats you kindly,
Trust is the foundation of any relationship. Once it is damaged, it’s hard to rebuild. But if you want to save your marriage, rebuilding trust is essential. These steps can help you get started on the long road to rebuilding trust in your relationship.
If on the other hand he lied to you about how long the affair went on or if there was any physical contact involved on either end during that time period, then it’s unlikely that this relationship will go anywhere and trusting your husband again will be impossible.
