There’s nothing sadder than realizing the person you loved so much is in fact false, and your relationship is an unhealthy one.
But how to get out of this? This answer is not simple.
Many times even though you suffer and know that continuing is not the best option, you feel guilty because you still love your partner.
Let’s find out together how to resolve this situation.
1. Put An End To The Relationship
2. Keep Your Distance
3. Ask Friends And Family For Help
4. Seek Professional Help
When relationships do not go the way you expected and become unhealthy, the main difficulty for those wanting to end it is the feeling of guilt.
Many feel bad and question themselves, saying “why did this happen again, where did I go wrong this time?”
But there’s never a culprit in a relationship. Stop blaming yourself and pay attention.
That’s why it’s called a relationship because it consists of two people.
Otherwise, it would be called a monologue relationship, where there would only be you with yourself.
Forget The Guilt
That said, the first thing to do is to forget the guilt. This will help the process a lot.
I’ll show you, with a simple illustration, how to take this first step. Imagine people as chemical elements.
If I combine chemical element A with chemical element B, I could make a poisonous substance.
But if I combine the same chemical element A with chemical element G I can make a perfume.
In other words, sometimes the union of a certain person with another makes it evident to both, or sometimes one of the parties, the worst that exists within us human beings.
This is why your encounter with the person you love can one day become poisonous.
It’s not necessarily your or the other person’s fault.
No one can predict if a union between two people can be bad and if sick things can happen.
To discover what the mixture of two human beings will give, it’s necessary to mix them first, obviously.
What’s Your Role In This Relationship
In addition to freeing yourself from unnecessary guilt, you need to understand once and for all what your role is in the relationship.
What I’m going to tell you may seem like nonsense, but it’s not.
Many are stuck in “sleeping relationships” as they don’t know which role they should play.
And your place in a loving relationship is unique and quite simple: you’re either a husband or a wife, or a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
That’s all you’re and nothing more.
What do I mean by that? I mean that you aren’t a father or a mother, a psychologist or a counselor to the other person.
It’s because of these role confusions that some people end up having certain abusive, destructive or disrespectful attitudes towards others.
They may seem justified, but they’re not.
Understand Your Role In A Relationship.
As they don’t clearly understand the role of husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, they may justify the other’s behavior, even if it has no explanation.
They get into the role of wanting to be the psychologist, confidant or friend.
In wanting to be understanding towards their partner, they end up justifying him with arguments like he or she has childhood traumas, they need love, understanding and friendship.
No. It’s not because the other has had or has problems, that they can be disloyal, a liar, aggressive or perverse with you.
I repeat, being a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend is not being a father or mother, nor a psychologist or counselor of the person who lives with you.
Do not try to play this role in any way. That’s not your place in the relationship.
It’s also common, with people who are in an unhealthy relationship, to doubt themselves.
They think, “Am I really experiencing something sick or is it in my head? Am I thinking too much or exaggerating? ”
This denial mechanism is quite understandable. You are suffering and think you may be wrong.
It is actually an attempt to preserve the image of the person you still love, even if you love them painfully.
To take away this suffering and not to doubt your own sanity, we will look at major characteristics of a sick relationship.
If your situation fits any of these examples, it’s a sign that you are living in a toxic relationship and need to do something to get out of it.
The Person You Live With Doesn’t Make You Happier
They oppress you, hurt you and destroy your self-esteem. Hurt is not necessarily physical.
Actually, people think when one hurts another physically, it means the relationship started this way. That’s not true.
Physical violence starts, in the beginning, with a higher tone of voice, after a while harsh words, expletives and disrespect.
In the end, physical violence occurs. Often you don’t even realize how quickly things got to this point. Beware of this dynamic.
Always Suspicious Of You
No matter what you do, how you behave, at home or work, none of this will make a difference.
The person will always show excessive jealousy. They’re quite suspicious to the point of tracking your social networks and cell phone.
You Have Your Own Private Life
Some even demand to have their partner’s passwords with elaborate justifications like “If you have nothing to hide why can’t I have your passwords?”
There are hundreds of different answers to these types of arguments.
The most obvious answer to give is “You cannot have my passwords because regardless of whether I love you, and have nothing to hide, I’m a person with a life of my own which is private.”
Dislikes His Friends And Disrupts His Friendships
Another common characteristic of toxic relationships is that he or she dislikes your friends and disrupts your friendships.
If, when in a relationship, you notice your cycle of friendships starting to get smaller, open your eyes wide.
This’s a sign that something is wrong. Relationships should always add and multiply things, never subtract or divide.
That’s, your group of friends should grow, as you would join the friends of your partner.
When this shrinkage occurs in your social life, there’s a good chance the other person is isolating you from the world, and you’re not realizing it.
Some relationships even alienate the other from their own family.
People who do this tend to be very possessive.
What’s behind this strategy, to increasingly isolate the other? This’s a very dangerous and sick idea.
It’s as if you are their private property, an object and not a subject.
If your relationship also shows this symptom, be careful, because you’re stepping into a minefield that will explode at any moment.
Tries To Give Directives And Expects Your Obedience
Another strategy is the attempt to direct you and wait for you to obey. There’s no end to ways to get someone to obey.
This type of behavior can be very subtle and not very explicit.
A simple way for the other to command you and obtain obedience is by making you feel guilty.
Creating a sense of guilt is a more powerful and efficient way of controlling you, than putting a gun to your head.
If the other always makes you believe the error in the relationship is your fault, he is controlling you.
If someone accuses the other of being the cause of a bad relationship and tells you that no one else will want you, then that person is bossing you through guilt.
You may not even realize it.
Now that I explained how an unhealthy relationship works, let me show you how to get out of it. Keep reading.
Step # 1 Put an end to the relationship
It seems excessive to say a definitive End, yet I cannot emphasize it enough!
Sometimes when people are forced to get out of an unhealthy relationship, they leave some hope and believe they will go back in the future.
They end up believing the abuser’s insistence, convincing them to change their mind. They fall for the promise that everything will be better in the relationship.
The worst thing is that sometimes they let themselves be convinced. Do not fall into this trap.
Do not fall for any negotiations
Do not forget the relationship is sick, and you are also sick.
You can still easily fall into the temptation to resume the sadomasochistic game in which you were trapped.
So, when you put an end to it, cut off once and for all. Leave no doubt or any hope of going back.
Step # 2 Keep Your Distance
To get out of an unhealthy relationship, you cannot remain close to that person. You don’t even want to remain friends with her.
Some think, “But we’re just going to be friends…” No, this is not possible, turn off completely!
Do not fall into the error of feeling sorry for the other’s pain. Remember how much you suffered in the relationship.
Do not feel sorry for someone who hurt you in the past and did not care about your feelings.
Remember why you left in the first place
Step # 3 Ask Friends And Family For Help
Understand that, however much a part of you wants to leave the toxic relationship, another part of you will not want to.
This is because there are many things at stake. For instance, when we join ourselves with someone, the goal is to be together forever.
We create dreams together and make projects for the future.
When you abandon all this, even knowing it will no longer work, is not an easy task.
It is crucial at this time to not go through this alone.
You need support!
Never isolate yourself or hold onto what you are going through. At this time you need to count on the people that love and care for you.
Speak up!
Talk with your family and close friends, do not let your suffering reign inside of you, liberate yourself by sharing your emotions.
They are going to listen to you because they care about you and want your best.
Step # 4 Seek Professional Help
The help of a professional (like a therapist) at these times can be very important.
A mental health specialist will help you organize your thoughts and see more clearly the mind games in which you have been trapped.
Addiction to Sadness
The therapist will facilitate the healing of a very common side effect called addiction to sadness.
This happens when people spend a long time in a toxic relationship.
It sounds strange, but it does exist and is different from depression.
When people spend a long time living in sad situations, happiness becomes a strange feeling to them.
The suffocation they experienced was so deep that the sadness feels normal.
Put in another way, they have unlearned what it is like to feel happy.
Nobody deserves to unlearn how to be happy. When we start a relationship we are looking for happiness and love.
Getting rid of those who harm you is necessary to create opportunities for new and good things to reach you.
Stop being afraid!
Jump over the abyss to attain happiness. You were not born to settle for crumbs, you deserve much more than that.
Think about it.
If you or someone you know is in this situation, share this information with them.
I hope I have given you enough motivation to take your first step towards freedom.
You deserve the best and your life is precious.
God loves you and has a great plan for your life! Seize it!
