Everyone loves the idea of being in a relationship. And because we all are different there’s no one without conflicts and discussions. 

Couples know that sooner or later a fight, conflict or disagreement will happen. But can we resolve a fight so it helps strengthen the love?

Do you know how to resolve a fight in a relationship? I’m going to help you to find out by giving you the best tips. Keep reading.

# 1 Get Away From Your Anger (and Conflict)

# 2 Don’t Argue When Tired

# 3 Forget the “But” at the Time of Discussion

# 4 Try to Understand Each Other

# 5 Focus on the Objective: Resolve the Fight

# 6 Not Everything Has To Be a Fight

# 7 Keep The Dialogue Open

Anyone who thinks that dating or marriage will be perfect without a fight is just trying to compare real life with that of movies or fairy tales.

Two different people make a relationship. I can guarantee you that at some point they will undoubtedly argue. 

This doesn’t mean the two don’t love each other.

It just means we’re human and have differences that need to be resolved, that’s all.

Imagine that we are stones full of points and edges. When one stone meets the other, they hit each other trying to fit together. 

Since they have very different tips and recesses, the two cannot connect so quickly.

The case is that after colliding, trying to fit together, the stones end up being smooth, managing to roll over each other with ease and without friction. 

This is why a couple always ends up arguing, to become smooth stones, without edges that slide easily through life. 

So, saying it like this, it may seem that the desire to relate to someone is lost. No, it’s not so.

Yes, it’ll take some work to build a good relationship, but it’s worth trying.

Especially since a healthy relationship will always have many more moments of love and peace than of fights.

But to think that they’ll never disagree is a little unrealistic. The problem is not if they disagree.

What will make a difference in the couple’s relationship is how they’ll deal with these conflicts.

How can we resolve these fights and conflicts in a more constructive way? 

Here are the tips. Read on!

Tip # 1 Get Away From Your Anger (and Conflict)

Get away from your anger and situation whenever possible. You cannot let your anger guide your actions. 

If you do, you can run the risk of doing something hot-headed which you will surely regret later on.

Have you ever heard people say to never go to bed angry after a fight? 

Well, I tell you exactly the opposite. If the anger is too great, sleep with it but keep it to yourself. 

The next day, once you have a cooler head, the desire to offend, to punish the other will be more under control. 

This attitude will better benefit your relationship.

Avoid the Stacking Effect

Also, do not bring other problems to the same fight.

Solve each one in its own time. Avoid the stacking effect and don’t let past disagreements accumulate. 

A lot of times, people, instead of expressing their annoyances or disagreements at once, ignore them or shut them up thinking, “oh forget that, it doesn’t matter,”

The problem is often these situations accumulate inside us.

If not dealt with, later a small misunderstanding can cause a monumental fight to breakout.

If you pay close attention, you may realize that suddenly you do not even know the reason for the conflict.

Rather, you may argue about the hundred and one things that you piled up in your heart.   

This means a lot of things left to talk about got too big and ended up overflowing in the middle of the relationship.

Stay Focused On the present subject

When a fight breaks out, be careful to focus on the present motive, which is what needs to be adjusted.

Do not refer to past issues, like things you didn’t like or did not bring up but instead let them go.

Sit down and discuss eye to eye with the person you care about. Take the initiative to clear up the misunderstanding.

Even if the other party has no interest in participating, be the best person in the conversation.

Kindly ask him or her to do this. It’s important when people are discussing something that they see each other on the same level, eye to eye.

Do you know why? Because this avoids false feelings of superiority or inferiority.

Do not shout! 

After all, screaming only generates more anger and more imbalance on each side.

Even if the other is silent and doesn’t respond, know that he’s listening to you.

Silence may be the way he found to protect himself or not hurt you more.

Do not even think about becoming aggressive. If the fight starts to get extremely difficult, stop!

Get out of the room. Go for a walk.

Find another time to talk about it again when the two of you are calmer and more ready for love and receptivity.

Tip # 2 Don’t Argue When Tired

Also, learn how to solve problems when both are physically well. Do not try to start an argument when the other has just come home hungry.

It may seem ridiculous, but it’s not. Factors such as hunger, sleep, tiredness of the workday, make a person less receptive to listening or discussing emotional issues.

You’ll almost certainly lose your head if you have any physical discomfort. 

Especially if one or both of you have been drinking, no way. You don’t even have to drink a lot.

Would you try to put out a fire with alcohol?!

Trying to discuss or solve problems with someone who drank even a small amount of alcohol will only set the situation on fire and erode the relationship.

Tip # 3 Forget the “But” at the Time of Discussion

Another important thing is to forget the “but” when it comes to fighting with those you love. At the time of a discussion, the “but” is always an educated way of wanting to take away the reason from the other.

To avoid the game of “of course I agree with you but …”. Or phrases like “yes, I did it but that day you …” If you really agree, there is no “but”.

If you recognize that you shouldn’t have done something, or that the other person is right in what they are saying, just admit it. Acknowledge and apologize.

In a discussion, avoid devaluing what the other is saying about you with the “but”.

Take the “but” out of your vocabulary.

I’m also not saying that you can’t have things to complain about the other person.

You may have things to say, but don’t devalue or make comparisons. In a fight that’s always what leads us.

Realize that in a discussion, the “but” often irritates both parties and prevents a reasonable solution from being reached.

Tip # 4 Try to Understand Each Other

Put yourself in each other’s shoes. Recognize the fact that nobody is perfect and that we all make mistakes.

And above all, don’t humiliate the one you love with harsh words.

Be careful with your the words

Remember that a spoken word can never be taken back. As much as you regret it, apologize, what was said is never erased. 

You would also not like to be treated in the same way for your mistakes.

Measure the attitudes of the other with the same ruler you’d like to measure your own attitudes.

Tip # 5 Focus on the Objective: Resolve the Fight

Always keep in mind that the purpose of a discussion is to resolve any problems or disagreements.

It seems obvious, but a lot of people in a fight lose focus.

You Are Not Enemies!

The most important thing is not to find out who is right. Remember that even if you’re angry, you’re not enemies!

The plan is for harmony to be reestablished between you.

When you’re hot-headed, ask yourself “who’s important here, me, the other or our relationship?”

Stop mutual accusations!

Invite the other to think about solutions, and what each should do for the relationship.

Try to find out what you can agree on together.

Understand that in order to end the fights, each one has to do their part.

Tip # 6 Not Everything Has To Be a Fight

Consider also, that not everything has to be a fight. Even if the situation is boring, ask yourself “can I let it go?”

Think about whether a fight is worth the stress.

Sometimes there are things we will not be able to change in the other. We have to learn to live with it.

This doesn’t mean there cannot be small things to be discussed. 

Basically,  not everything is a reason for an argument. There are things that are part of the other person.

He or she may not be able to change.

It’s up to you to see if you can live with the character of the person you chose to love.

Tip # 7 Keep The Dialogue Open

Get used to asking each other how he or she has been feeling in the relationship. Spend more time talking to each other, and less time on social media!

Plan programs for two. Make each other little surprises.

Invite the one you love to do unexpected and surprising things. 

Getting out of the rut is a good thing.

Remember, more than fights, what really resolves the conflict in a relationship are good surprises. 

Prioritize open dialogue. Always be open to accept and receive the other as he is, without judgment.

Reflect on it.  

Now that you learned these tips you will be able to resolve your conflicts in a more effective and rational way?

If you know someone who is going through this situation, share this post.